Music ‘Psychobabble’ by The Alan Parson’s Project
I found this utterly useless BS someone at ebaY is attempting to pass off as advice on ‘collecting entertainment memorabilia’ on ebaY.
My one word comment: Bleah.
I’ll debunk this sucker with my comments in [brackets]
“Make your passion for movies, music, and more come to life with fun and interesting entertainment memorabilia [and unlabelled reproductions thereof]. Everything from [mostly repro] props to [mostly repro] scripts, and playbills to [mostly repro] posters is here [until we pull it, which we do at our whim or let some studio or artist occasionally do]. Whether you think the perfect wall art is a vintage [obvious repro] color photo of Marilyn Monroe or you’d like to jazz up your favorite pair of jeans with a Kiss holographic belt buckle [no comment on self-evident difference in taste], find unique [“Hey, look what I did with my computer and some image stolen from some webpage!”] memorabilia, original [mostly repros sold as original] memorabilia, and reproduction [never labelled as such] memorabilia on eBay.
Discover Entertainment Memorabilia
Entertainment memorabilia spans a variety of genres and includes a range of items, from the cool, rare, and highly in demand (think anything signed by the Beatles) [“These ebaY people are showing their age…”], to the kitschy, funny, and even a bit bizarre (think bobbleheads) [I think not.]. You’ll find memorabilia as diverse and as numerous as there are entertainment icons in every genre, from movies, music, television, theater, video games, and much more.
Autographs: Both original [“‘authentic’ auto-penned and/or secretarial/Alf Bicknell Beatles signatures”] and reprints [“Printed off my computer today!”].
Press materials: Press books [often marked up, cut up and used], press kits [Ha! There’s lots of ‘authentic’ copies of press photos – they often throw out the ‘stuff’ that goes with the kits because it’s a bunch of ‘boring’ words on pieces of paper], and clippings [mutilated magazine bits overpriced at even a penny per lot].
Marketing materials: Ads [mutilated magazine bits], flyers, lobby cards [lots of unlabelled repros in original categories and the infamous low quality ‘Mexican’ lobby cards], standees [taken from your local Wal-Mart or Blockbuster Video store], window cards, playbills, posters [lots of unlabelled repros in original categories], and souvenir programs.
Screen-used memorabilia: Props [lots of unlabelled repros and kits to make your own repros of noisy crickets and neuralizers, etc. in the original category], scripts [“photocopied just this morning and signed by my friends”], and wardrobe [i.e. “T-shirts and hats I got when the Spencer Gifts in the mall put ’em on clearance”].
Concert-used memorabilia: Musical instruments [never played/touched] by artist, guitar picks [many fakes], drum sticks, and costumes.
Personal items: Anything and everything a celebrity has touched, signed, or worn. [i.e. “if ‘famous person ‘X’ had nothing to do with it, you wouldn’t bother looking or bidding” – these are high dollar made up ‘collectibles’]
Limited-edition goods: Manufacturers or studios can choose to produce a limited number of a certain item, such as hats, T-shirts, and jackets, or allow a certain number of licensed autographed items to enter the marketplace. Limited editions often come with a certificate of authenticity (COA), even if they do not have an autograph. [‘limited edition’ means ‘when they stop selling, we stop making ’em’ or ‘limited only by our marketing prowess’ Also this is where the dude with the computer, the blank T shirts and coffee mugs and the hard disk full of appropriated picture’s stuff should be listed.]
Other common collectibles: Bobbleheads, collector plates, ticket stubs, pins, buttons, and calendars. [most of which is BS]
Collect Entertainment Memorabilia
[“Here’s what we’re pushing today at FeeBay…” Like you don’t have the ability to come up with something to collect on your own and need to be told what to search for and bid on…sheesh!]
As with any collection, you’ll probably want to start by picking a theme for your entertainment memorabilia. You can do this by item type, such as singling out only [repro] movie posters or [repro and/or old worn out] concert T-shirts. Also, consider collecting by genre, such as Sci-Fi or Horror for movie fans, and Rock/Pop, Blues, or Jazz for music lovers.
Try narrowing your focus even further by collecting from a single movie, television show, or theater production, and choose anything from a [repro and/or ‘untagged’] wardrobe item, to a playbill, a [repro] prop, or a press release [which you won’t find on our site because it doesn’t have any ‘purty pitchers’ on it].
Another favorite way to build a collection is by actor or personality [thank you to the author of this meaningless tripe, Captain Obvious], which can span different movies, different time periods, and even different types of entertainment, from music to film to theater. Finally, consider collecting according to an era, such as 1950s entertainment memorabilia [Here ebaY means the generation of people who are either dying off and/or going into long term care and need to get rid of their stuff to the mostly younger generations who comprise the vast portion of ebaY users who by the way mostly don’t ‘get’ real 50s stuff]
Also consider both how much you’re willing to pay [send all your money] and how many items you’d like to have [you want *everything*] when building a collection, since entertainment memorabilia vary greatly in value [i.e. most of it is monetarily close to worthless]. For example, some personal items and instruments associated with musical icons like the Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, the Rolling Stones, and Elvis are considered the top of the heap for rock and pop collectibles [when they sell at real established live auction houses such as Bonhams, Sothebys and Christies, where they are sticklers for proof/provenance and where the collectors of said Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, the Rolling Stones, and Elvis are highly knowledgeable having collected said items for decades longer than ebaY’s existence], and may sell for more than other related items in the same genre [or something on ebaY].
Finally, whether you’re displaying your entertainment goods in a special display case or storing them, you’ll want to take the right steps to protect them from light, temperature, humidity, acidity, and even the potential for pests—all of which can adversely affect certain pieces and reduce their long-term value. [‘Of course we’re not going to tell you *how* to do this because we don’t know squat about it and you shouldn’t waste valuable searching and bidding time learning stuff – heck if you really knew what you were doing, you might stop buying at ebaY altogether and that would be bad for ebaY’.]
Research Entertainment Memorabilia
Authenticating your entertainment memorabilia is an essential component of collecting [and something ebaY has zero committment to]. Proof of authenticity can take many forms, including:
Tags: Studio tags or a costumer’s tag, or the name of an actor or actress written in the collar of a particular wardrobe piece [for once ebaY says something useful and true but this is only pertinent to movie/TV wardrobe items and tag / writing forgeries exist].
Studio markings: Studio markings on props [which also can be faked].
Photographs: Still photographs of individuals wearing a certain item or signing a certain item [ditto for fakeability].
Testimonials: The personal word of someone associated with the film, the television show, the band, etc [again possible to falsify depending on with whom you are directly communicating or indirectly communicating].
Certificates of authenticity: Certificate of authenticity (COA) from the studio or seller that was issued by an authenticator with industry credibility, or an entity that has a proven track record of experience and integrity [“Hey look what *else* I can make with my computer!” A better thing is a dealer that predates ebaY who will take the item back at any time assuming you get a trustworthy expert opinion saying the item is bogus and that you return the item in substantially the same condition].
Check the item listing for photos [often intentionally bad, cropped or missing] and other important details, such as the provenance of the item (which includes information such as how, when, and where the item was obtained).
For a professional opinion [often no mere than a paid-for guess or lie] on your piece of entertainment memorabilia’s authenticity or condition, go to eBay’s Opinions, Authentication, and Grading site, where you’ll find links to a variety of authentication sites and resources [and many of the ebaY listed folks don’t know any better than you or I do]
Note: The opinions expressed by these evaluators are theirs alone. eBay does not examine items listed on its site and does not have the expertise to evaluate items. eBay cannot guarantee the findings of these evaluators—authentication and grading are difficult, often subjective matters where the experts themselves occasionally disagree. Each of the companies listed on the Opinions, Authentication, and Grading page that provides authentication and/or grading services is an independent company, and eBay is not responsible in any way for any action, inaction, opinion, or service in connection with these companies. You should review the credentials of each company and use your own judgment before using a company’s services. [i.e. ebaY won’t kick off bogus authenticators or sellers who rely on their opinions of so ‘caveat emptor’]
Find Entertainment Memorabilia on eBay
Oh God, could I write a rant on the countless ways ebaY has done nothing but make it ever harder to find authentic entertainment memorabilia on its site]
Go to the Entertainment Memorabilia portal, click on the link for the category that interests you most, and start searching for item listings on eBay.
Categories: The Categories list on the left side of each page will help you narrow down your listings by item type. You’ll find links for Movie Memorabilia, Television Memorabilia, Theater Memorabilia, and more. As you dig deeper into the site, you’ll also be able to select listings by individual, film, production, etc. [but only until we mess with search or categories again which we guarantee will be sooner rather than later, and of course rendering them more useless and only if the sellers know what buzzwords to use]
Keyword search: Search eBay listing titles for specific words. For example, if you want to find a Beatles concert promo poster, type “Beatles” (without quotation marks) into the Search box. Click “Search title and description” to expand your results. Visit eBay’s Search Tips page for more tips on searching with keywords [most of which are pretty obvious and unhelpful].
If you can’t find exactly what you want, try shopping eBay Stores [which are mostly overpriced], tell sellers what you want by creating a posting on Want It Now [which will be ignored], or save a search on My eBay and get notified by email when a match becomes available [or mostly when we want to spam you with stuff that has nothing to do with what *you* are interested in].
Buy Entertainment Memorabilia With Confidence
[a.k.a. “If you want to be sure of buying authentic entertainment memorabilia, look somewhere other than FeeBay”]
Before making your purchase, make sure you know exactly what you’re buying [hard to do for all the reasons cited above and then some], research your seller [good luck with that], and understand how eBay and PayPal protect you [or more correctly avoid responsibility and liability].
Know your purchase
Carefully read the details in item listings [and sometimes still be confused].
Figure delivery costs into your final price. If you spend a lot of money [note ‘a lot of money’ is not defined here], make sure the seller will insure the item when it ships.
If you want more information, ask by clicking the “Ask seller a question” link under the seller’s profile [and watch the auction end without an answer at least 50% of the time].
Always make sure to complete your transaction on eBay (with a bid, Buy It Now, or Best Offer). Transactions conducted outside of eBay are not covered by eBay protection programs [and many times transactions on ebaY aren’t covered either].
Never pay for your eBay item using instant cash wire transfer services through Western Union or MoneyGram. These payment methods are unsafe when paying someone you do not know.
Know your seller
Research your seller so you feel positive and secure about every transaction.
What is the seller’s Feedback rating? How many transactions have they completed? What percentage of positive responses do they have? [Are they planning to run off to the Carribean anytime soon?]
What do buyers say in their Feedback? Did the seller receive praise? [Are the happy buyers relatives of the seller?]
Most top eBay sellers operate like retail stores and have return policies. Do they offer a money-back guarantee? What are the terms and conditions? [‘Give us your money and if we feel like it we’ll send you stuff assuming no one in the family dies, their ‘real job’ doesn’t get too hectic or the dog doesn’t eat it’.]
In the unlikely [ha!] event that a problem arises during your transaction, eBay and PayPal are there for you.[double ha!]
Pay safely with PayPal: PayPal enables you to pay without the seller ever seeing your bank account or credit card numbers [unless of course they offer us money, which is why longtime users call us ‘FeeBay’]. In fact, PayPal protects buyers 100% against unauthorized payments from their accounts. Plus, with PayPal Buyer Protection, your purchase can be covered up to $1,000 [but only if you’ll give up your most sensitive personal financial info and even then maybe not].
eBay Security & ResolutionCenter: Visit the Security & Resolution Center to learn how to protect your account and use eBay’s quick and efficient resolution tools [‘quick and efficient by FEMA’s Hurricane Katrina response standards’].